Breaking soul ties with past sexual partners and emotional connections.
Is it important?
I think so…
Table of Contents
Breaking Soul Ties
I’ve personally gone through the steps for breaking soul ties (which are outlined in detail below) and for me it definitely was the right thing to do.
How did I know I needed help in this specific area?
It was definitely God who provided the clues.
I went through a period of time in my 20s and 30s when I just felt plagued by “something” and I wasn’t sure what it was.
The best way I can explain it is that I felt tethered to past relationships, unable to fully break free from their influences in my life. I would constantly try to get back with exes (so humiliating), look for validation from them, and choose to remember highly dysfunctional relationships as promising potentials whenever I felt lonely.
“Maybe we should try again.” was always met with open arms. **shudder**
TMI ahead:
I was a fairly new believer at the time and had numerous sexual encounters in my past. I also continued to compromise what I knew was right by engaging in sex “inside of committed relationships.”
That’s how I chose to frame it, but in reality I was having sex outside of marriage with various dating partners and boyfriends, which definitely did not line up with God’s plan for me.
At the time I felt convicted, but not enough to try celibacy. If I would have known more about the damage I was doing to myself and the dangerous place I was putting myself in, I think celibacy would have been extremely attractive.
Side note: I have remained happily celibate for almost 10 years now, so I do have some true life experience on both sides of this!
TMI portion has ended.
In this article I’m going to take you through what I’ve learned and teach you how to break negative soul ties so you can walk free.
What Are Soul Ties?
The actual term “soul tie” is used in both new age spiritualism and in some Christian circles. It can be defined as a connection between two people who become physically or emotionally intimate. This relationship can be mutually consensual or it can have a foundation of abuse and manipulation. This is a big topic, so in this article I’ll only be talking about mutually consensual soul ties.
Some Christians regard the subject of soul ties to be unbiblical (since the actual term can’t be found in the Bible) so they choose to ignore its existence altogether, but is that wise?
I don’t think so.
I think most of us can agree that connections we form with another person, especially if sex is involved, create a bond with this person. In reality, we’ve given ourselves to them in the highest form of physical and emotional intimacy. Science confirms that real, observable changes take place in our brain when we form an emotional or sexual connection to another person.
The Science Behind Sexual Soul Ties
Research has shown that brain circuitry plays a huge part in connections (or soul ties) when it comes to sex. Even when individuals make the conscious decision to engage in “no-strings-attached” type sex, there’s really no such thing.
Consensual sex releases pleasurable hormones like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These hormones are part of the brain’s powerful reward system that create neural pathways (think little roads lined with bait designed to motivate us to move forward). Our brains are wired to seek after experiences that trigger pleasurable rewards. Once a “pleasure inducing” person / experience is identified, our brain will figure out ways to bring us back to this experience again and again.
Sound familiar?
If you’re thinking “addiction” you’re right on track.
According to neuroscientist Dr. Gert Holstege, there is very little difference between a brain’s observable reaction to sex and heroin —less than 5% difference actually.
Along with dopamine and serotonin, oxytocin is also released. Oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone and although it is also released during childbirth and breastfeeding, it plays an important part in sex as well. Research shows that oxytocin causes both males and females to feel a sense of overall well-being, trust, and contentedness. It literally causes us to feel bonded to our sexual partner.
All of these happy hormones work together to cause a behavior loop; the more we socially engage with a person we are physically attracted to, the more oxytocin is released. The more oxytocin is released, the more we desire to engage with this person, and on and on it goes.
Addiction 101.
The brain is said to be the largest and most important sexual organ, and with this evidence we can see why.
Scientifically speaking, sexual relations can cause strong connections that we continue to desire even if the relationship itself is unhealthy or feelings are not reciprocated.
Now let’s answer the question, “What part of us is our soul?”
Spirit, Soul, and Body Defined
Each one of us is a triune being, which just means we are made up of three parts; spirit, soul, and body.
In simplest terms:
we ARE a spirit,
we HAVE a soul,
we LIVE IN a physical body.
Spirit
When we are born again (when we choose Christ as our Savior) the Bible says our spirit is reborn and becomes alive to Christ.
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
This Scripture isn’t talking about your body. If you were a 28 year old woman before you accepted Christ, you will still be one afterwards. Your body doesn’t change. And your soul, which is your mind, will, and emotions, doesn’t automatically change either. It is —± to change, but you have to renew your mind (through the Word) to experience change in your mind, will and emotions.
Soul
Our soul is made up of our mind, will and emotions. This is the part of us that changes in direct relation to the amount of truth we know and walk in. For example, the Word tells us that once we are born again we are dead to our old sin nature. (Romans 6)
This may come as a shock to a lot of believers who still struggle with lust, addiction, anger, bitterness, jealousy, and other negative behaviors and emotions. Many of us live as if we don’t have authority over our old sin nature. We have no idea that we actually have the victory over all these things through the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Unless we begin to walk in the authority we’ve been given, our mind, will and emotions won’t change.
Our brain is like a computer and it’s already been programmed (throughout our life) to operate a certain way.
Our brain likes to run on autopilot so it produces a lot of emotions, desires, fears and cravings based on past experiences. For example, if a person used pornography as a stress reliever or a reward before salvation, they are going to have to deal with the neuropathways already created that say things like,
“It’s 5pm. You’ve worked all day. It’s time to log onto Pornhub.”
Along with this mental reminder will be a strong motivation or desire (also produced by hormones released in the brain). If you are a believer you may call this a temptation or an opportunity to sin, which is true, but it’s very important to understand that these strong cravings and obsessive thoughts appear at 5pm every day because that’s the way we’ve trained our brain. Just like any other addiction, the more days in a row we continue to engage in the same behavior, the stronger it becomes.
Is addiction stronger than Jesus?
Absolutely not.
The Word of God assures us “the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the grave is alive in you!” —Romans 8:11
We have the victory! It’s a done deal according to the spiritual realm.
So how do we take hold of this victory and use it to change our physical reality?
By meditating on the Word, speaking the Word and believing the Word.
“You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free!”— John 8:32
Body
Our body is the house we live in and the Word of God tells us our body is not our own.
It was bought with a price.
Although our body is important and we should take good care of it, it’s temporary.
We honor God by yielding our body (and the way we use it) to Him.
Breaking Soul Ties in 3 Steps
I encourage you to seek God and Scripture when breaking soul ties.
Below are the 3 steps to breaking soul ties that worked for me.
Breaking Soul Ties
Step One: Identify the Soul Tie
The Bible says, “The thief comes to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly.” —John 10:10
We remain in these unhealthy soul ties because we don’t realize the enemy is looking for an open door.
The devil is looking for a legal right to access and disrupt the life of a believer. What better way to gain access to a person than through sexual intimacy?
If you think this sounds crazy, I assure you it’s not.
The enemy wants access to our thoughts so he looks for easy wins. Music is a good example of this. A song can be so mesmerizing that it can change our entire mood. Who hasn’t played a depressing break up song on repeat, just laying there crying? I know I have.
Music is powerful. Words are powerful. Movies are powerful…but sexual relations are an entirely deeper realm of connection.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” —1 Corinthians 6:15-16
There’s your clue in 1 Corinthians 6:16, “Whoever unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body. One with her…That is key.
It’s important to recognize that sex unites your body with the other person and the two of you become one.
The word “unite” comes from the Greek word kallao, which means to glue together, to cleave to, to fasten together.
The word “prostitute” comes from the Greek word porne (where we get the word pornography) and it literally means, “any woman indulging in unlawful sexual intercourse, whether for gain or for lust.” So, we are talking about two people having consensual sex outside of marriage, and God views it as “sinning against our own bodies.”
.
Sexual relations outside of marriage provide access points for demonic activity. When you become “one flesh” with another person, you are ultimately yielding to whatever demons are influencing that other person. This is so dangerous. You could literally wake up the next morning oppressed by a whole legion of demons, and they have every right to be there, because you gave them access.
Just my opinion, but I think the devil is especially excited about a Christian who falls into sexual sin with a non-believer, or someone who dabbles in the occult. The enemy can legally access that believer in ways that would not be possible without the “union” of the two.
I experienced this type of oppression during my early Christian walk. Thankfully, God helped me to recognize what was happening so I could break free.
So, step one is to recognize the sin and understand the dangerous place you’ve put yourself in.
Breaking Soul Ties
Step Two: Prayer for Breaking Soul Ties
This is the way I prayed.
I admitted my mistake and relied on the grace and love of God to set me free through Jesus Christ.
Below is an example prayer that you can say out loud:
(Always pray out loud because your words have creative power.)
God, I thank you for giving me clarity to recognize the oppression and bondage I’ve placed myself in through sexual sin.
I’ve taken what You created to be the highest expression of intimacy and allowed the enemy to use it as an access point to entangle me.
I repent and turn from sexual immorality and in the name of Jesus, the name above every name, I declare every soul tie, known or unknown to be broken right now.
I thank you, God that You said, “Whoever the Son sets free is free indeed.”
I thank you, God that You have given me the victory over all forms of bondage and oppression by the blood You shed for me.
I offer myself, mind, body and spirit to You alone and I choose (from this day forward) to rely on Your strength to free me from the struggle of lust, pornography, sex addiction, twisted sexual desires, sexual frustration and impure thoughts.
My mind, will and emotions belong to You and I thank You that I am protected by the fortress of Your love and grace for me.
Breaking Soul Ties
Step Three: Renew Your Mind
God does not expect you to struggle or to find your own willpower to help you fight the battle against lust.
The battle has already been won. Jesus fought every fight 2,000 years ago on the cross and He rose again so that you could join in on the victory as a free gift.
Then why do some of us still struggle?
Because in order to fully understand, believe and access the victory that belongs to us, we have to put the Word in us daily.
The Bible says, “The entrance of Your Word brings forth light.” —Psalm 119:130
God wants to make each one of us demonstrations of the Word of God written in human form. How does that happen? By God renewing our way of thinking, so that we begin to think like He thinks. When we think like He thinks, we begin to act like He would act. Our whole inner life controls our external behavior, and that is why God’s Word says,
“Don’t be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” —Romans 12:2
The best way to hang onto the freedom you have found is to continue to read the Word, even if you don’t understand it (the number one excuse people use when explaining why their Bible is collecting dust on their bookshelf).
Don’t understand it? Read it anyway.
Read it daily, every morning. Make it a part of your daily routine.
Getting the Word of God in your heart is your daily spiritual food and it’s much more important than eating your breakfast or getting in that 6am workout.
Make “feeding on” God’s Word a priority and over time you will find yourself changing, becoming renewed, walking in wisdom, understanding God’s will, and best of all…you will be like Him.
“And being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” —Philippians 1:6
I know you didn’t happen upon this article about breaking soul ties accidentally.
There’s no such thing as coincidences in the kingdom of God.
You were supposed to read this, because you needed to break free!
I believe that from this day forward you will walk in complete victory over the soul ties that once held you in bondage.
God loves you and I love you!
Feel free to share this article on social media. You may be the reason the next person breaks free!
I also encourage you to read God Doesn’t Say No to Your Prayers.
It will set you on the path to understanding and knowing God (His nature and His will)!
