The Danger of “Accepting Things I Cannot Change”

Accepting things I cannot change…

Acceptance seems to be the buzzword of the year.
Or maybe I’m just hyper aware of it because it irks me so much.

If there’s one thing that’s certain in life, it’s that everything and everyone is in constant motion. We are forever in a state of change on so many levels.
Parts of us are healing at the same moment we are shedding off the old things, the unnecessary things.

According to scientific studies, about 330 billion cells are replaced in the average adult each day, equivalent to about one percent of all our cells. It’s pretty magnificent when you think about it.

So, what part do we play in all this change?

Isn’t Accepting Things I Cannot Change The Realistic Thing to Do? 

There’s a popular prayer that says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”

At first glance, it seems right.
There are so many things in life that seem unalterable and in need of acceptance;
a loved one who has passed away, the end of a career or a season in our life that is over.

Maybe we have to come to terms with a specific event, a past trauma or a violent act against us.
In order to live in reality (the part of life that we can see and experience with our senses) we often need a marker, a mental connection point to the event.

We need to look at it.
We need to draw the connection line.
At that point we can say, “This happened. I accept it and the way it occurred. I place a period at the end of it and I make the decision to move forward from this point.”

The past is unalterable. I get it. It deserves closure and healing.
Another line of this same prayer tells us that acceptance is the pathway to peace.

Except when it’s not.

The Slumber of Accepting Things I Cannot Change

The Etymological Dictionary (which traces the origins of our words) defines acceptance as “taking what is offered; admitting or agreeing to a proposal; receiving willingly without effort.”
Therefore, the state of accepting is a submissive state.

Wikipedia* definition:
Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it. The concept is close in meaning to acquiescence.

*btw – I love Wikipedia because its written by a global pool of contributors, so it’s a good representation of what many people believe. I don’t regard what I find on Wikipedia as truth; although it can often be quite accurate.

Accepting Things I Cannot Change: What Could Go Wrong?

The screaming question here that needs to be part of our thought process is,

“How do I know what things, circumstances and situations belong in the “accept-this” pile and which ones deserve resistance?
How do I rightly identify these things I cannot change?”

If we take a look at the prayer, the plea is toward our Creator,
“God. . . grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
Leaning on this prayer for guidance, it would only make sense to ask God if the thing you are currently struggling with is something you should greet with acceptance.

Is it beyond change?
Maybe some parts of it are, but maybe not.
Here’s the test I put all things through to determine whether I should accept them or not:

Identify The Source   

The act of acceptance has just as much to do with the one who is giving as the one who is receiving.
If I’m accepting something that’s being handed to me, I want to connect the dots to reveal the source.
Think about it this way; If you are going to accept a diagnosis of sickness in your body, is it because you believe this sickness is from God?

God is at the top of my life hierarchy. I’m not going to go against anything that is from His hand.
If I start there, I can easily determine that I will not accept any sickness or any diagnosis as being “something beyond change.”
Why?
Because only God has the final say in my life.
If He says I have options, then acceptance is not going to be a part of my vocabulary on the issue.

Here’s an example of how you could break it down mentally:

Every good and perfect gift is from above. —James 1:17
Is sickness good and perfect? No. Then it must not be from God.
Step one; determine the source. We’ve just determined sickness is not from God.

Surely He has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering. . . and by His wounds, we are healed. —Isaiah 53:4,5
Step two; solidify the determination of the source from a different angle. Sickness is obviously not from God since it is one of the things Jesus came to earth, suffered, died and rose again to set us free from.

Based on these (and there are hundreds of other Scriptures on healing) the Word clearly tells us we don’t have to accept sickness.
We don’t have to yield to a diagnosis.
CAN we yield? Sure.
Will we still go to heaven if we yield to sickness? I believe so, yes.
We don’t HAVE TO walk in all the freedom that was provided to us.
But in my opinion, if God sent His Son to die so I could be set free from something, I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to walk out that freedom.
It was costly.

That’s step one and two of my test.
Pretty simple.

Accepting Things I Cannot Change 

Recap:
Before you accept something; before you yield to it and settle in, stop and think about who’s handing it to you. Things can look pretty cut and dry if you’re only looking at the physical realm. The evidence that you are sick, or broke, or fearful, can be overwhelming.
The enemy is a pro at showing you all the physical evidence. He’s like an attorney in a court room, building a case. But we know the Bible tells us the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. I (Jesus) have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
—John 10:10

Pretty simple. God = good. Devil = bad.
If there’s something that’s stealing your peace, robbing you of your life, holding you captive, or keeping you from moving forward in your purpose, it’s NOT from God.
And if it’s not from God, you don’t have to accept it.

A Word On Yielding 

In the above paragraph, I mentioned yielding along with acceptance. I want to further explain this concept.

Every time we are handed a scenario, a temptation or a thought, we have a decision to make. Will I yield to this (agree with it, accept it, and give it the right-of-way in my life) or will I resist it? It could be anything from a doctor’s diagnosis to negative thoughts that tell us lies.  “Nothing works out for me.” “I’ll never break out of this cycle.” or “I missed out on fulfilling my purpose.”

Yes, even the thoughts that run around in our own brains are not necessarily OUR thoughts.
They are presented to us (like weeds popping up in a garden) and it’s our job to kick them out instead of yielding to them.

Wait…what?
God wants US to actually do work, identifying thoughts that are productive and in line with our best and most overcoming life? So, it doesn’t just happen automatically?
That’s right. God calls this action one of the weapons of our warfare.
Check this:
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. 
Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. —2 Corinthians 10:4-6

Scripture breakdown:
Casting down imaginations – That means taking a look at your thoughts and holding each one up to the knowledge of God. For example. You may have a thought that says, “The doctor told me I have six months to live.”
What are you going to do with that thought?
Is it trying to “exalt itself against the knowledge of God?” Yes. It’s trying to take first place, final authority in your life. Instead of agreeing with it, your job is to refuse to yield to it.
I do this by answering the thought with a Scripture.
(That’s how Jesus answered the devil in the wilderness. Good enough for Jesus. Good enough for me.)
A good Scripture reply would be,
Surely He has borne my sickness, and carried my suffering. . . and by His wounds, I am healed. —Isaiah 53:4,5

Yield to God’s promises, not feelings or negative reports or fear.

The Acceptance Agenda 

There’s a lot of push to accept, accept, accept in today’s world.
Accepting things I cannot change can become a blind mantra or something we say when we don’t know what to do with a situation.
That’s a no go for me.

Before I accept anything into my life and yield to it, I will hold it up to God’s Word.
If the enemy is trying to defeat us; leading us into the complacency of over-acceptance is a pretty good plan, right? No resistance whatsoever; just accept.
No thank you.

Look, the whole idea of having faith is to remain steadfast in the face of physical evidence that is trying to paint a different picture. That’s what faith IS.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. —Hebrews 11:1

Faith is the act of holding fast to your confession (of God’s promise).
Your confession (also known as the words that come out of your mouth) are always creating alignments.
Words are contracts or agreements.
When you refuse to align your words with anything except what God’s Word says, you will see the physical realm change. God is bound to His Word, bound to His promises.
He loves when we fearlessly believe that God’s promises are true.

God will confirm His Word with signs following. —Mark 16:20
God watches over His Word to perform it. —Jeremiah 1:12

Is this easy? It gets easier as your mind is renewed to God’s way of thinking. 🙂

Note To The Recovery Community

My sobriety date is August 29, 2014.
Because I have recovered from alcohol and opiate addiction I want to add a note to the recovery community for clarity.
I am not a part of AA but I have attended some meetings during the course of my journey. I am not in agreement with making a declaration over myself saying, “Hi, my name is Robin and I’m an alcoholic (or addict etc).” Like I said, words are powerful. They are alignments, agreements and contracts. Words have the power to create.
If God doesn’t call me an alcoholic or addict, I’m certainly not going to call myself one.
My Bible tells me I am a new creation in Christ, more than a conqueror, and the righteousness of Christ.
Nowhere in the Word does God label me an addict and I will not speak that over myself either.
I won’t yield to that diagnosis because Jesus made me free.
And whom the Son sets free is free indeed! —John 8:36

Addiction was an experience, not an identity.
Accepting things I cannot change does not apply here, because I have been changed. 🙂

The Serenity Prayer (The Original)

This is the original Serenity Prayer. It was apparently written by a theologian named Reinholdt back in the early 1900s.
It sounds a lot less passive than the version many of us have read a thousand times.

Original Serenity Prayer

Father, give me courage to change what must be altered,
serenity to accept what cannot be helped,
and the insight to know the one from the other.

 

Below is the prayer that’s widely adopted by twelve-step groups today:

Today’s Accepted Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I don’t agree wholeheartedly with either of them but it’s up to you to determine the limits you will or will not place on God.
He is faithful and with Him all things are possible!
This I know without a doubt.

xo

Whether you’re here because you’re a believer or God-curious, I’m so glad you’re here!
You will also want to read, God Is Not Dysfunctional.